5.1.16

I came here to start a life with you, so why does it feel like I've been stuck ever since I arrived? I had all these plans and hopes that now, almost one year later, we would be in such a different place in our lives, instead I feel like we are going backwards.

I loved you from the very beginning and I cannot imagine a life without you, but it's even worse to realize the life I'm living now doesn't have myself in it. Who I was completely faded into this new version of a person who just sits and waits for something to come along. It wouldn't be a problem if I was ok with that, but I really do miss who I used to be.

I know I chose this for myself. I know I was the one who said I would come and give us a chance. But it being my choice doesn't mean you don't need to make efforts, and that's what you got wrong. Your life didn't change. You still live with your parents, you still have the same friends, if I leave you'll cry for two or three days but your goodbye was only to me, your reality has never changed.

You don't understand why a proposal is important, for example. You don't want to get out of your comfort zone. You use your culture as an argument when we disagree with each other. I hate to be the one reminding you that I gave up on all the things I knew I would miss back home to be with you, but it kills me when I ask you to meet me halfway and you simply don't.

Maybe once more love won't be enough. It's happened before. Relationships are not based only on love. I've loved so many people I just knew were not right for me. And I still love them I think. I think love doesn't fade, but love doesn't stick things together either. Sometimes you love people because they taught you things for a little while and later you move to the next lesson.

You taught me so much. From simple things, like fishing and the balkan culture, to the biggest one: loving myself enough to only settle down when somebody loves me the same way.

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